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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

32nd Piece (Part Two)

This is the second part, out of three, for the answer to the prompt

Write a story in which only five minutes pass between the beginning of the story and the end. Experiment with the ways in which you can draw out these five minutes, through interior monologue, flashbacks, switching between different points of view, and other storytelling techniques.

I still need a name for the town so if you have any ideas feel free to share them in the comments. Thanks!


It was a few years ago and the situation was fairly similar. Only it was Leo’s dad who was at the trigger. The day had started as any normal day would in ---town’s name---. It was the beginning of summer and everyone wore the pale blue uniform of shorts and a t-shirt. The sun was just rising, giving light to the wreckage from the night before. Ever since the town decided they didn't like the way that the government was treating their people and tried to rebel, officers blew up random homes. It was a common thing to show the power the government still had on the people. The day was almost serene as Leo and his father made their way past the still smoldering rubble that used to be the Park’s house. “Do you think they made it out?” asked 13 year old Leo. “I don’t know,” his father says grimly. He was fairly thin but could easily lift over 170 pounds, towered over everybody, had hair that was a golden brown and had started to turn gray, fierce green eyes, surrounded by wrinkles, and thin lips that always hinted at a smile. “They didn't have the amount of protection that we do.” The protection was the insiders that the people of ---town's name--- provided. The officers usually came from the Agency but, occasionally, they chose a particularly well behaved, strong, hard-working person from town. Some of them were part of the Alliance that Leo’s dad was the head of. The Alliance was designed to take the town back from the iron grasp of the Agency. Bombing the houses was first designed to scare the Alliance off, but instead made them larger and stronger. Still, the bombing continued, destroying at least one house each night. Oblivious to the destruction, Leo and his dad made their way down to the Square. That was where they did the shooting. Occasionally, but became more often, a member of the alliance was captured and thrown into the Square to face off against a mob of the officers. Each officer carried a rifle while the member was blindfolded with a white cloth, and given nothing but a pistol. There were stands around the square that were always filled with people. The shootings were a mandatory watch for boys and men. The only time females come is if they were part of the member’s family. They would stand either out there with the husband or father to be shot as well or in the front row with guns positioned on their heads. The guns would go off if they try to turn away or shut their eyes. That meant leaving Leo’s mother and little sister Dakota, who was 11, at home. The houses were checked to see if anyone wasn't attending. If someone was found, the building was burned to the ground barely leaving any time for the people to get out. The person or people hiding, with their families, were immediately sent to jail or assigned a time to be shot.  Let’s just say that the stands were usually full. There were, however, a handful of people who were loyal to the Agency, they loved coming to see the shootings and thought that it served the member right. When Leo and his dad got to the square they were two of the last people to arrive. Leo was hoisted onto his dad’s shoulders to see who it was, which was not an easy task for a boy his size. Still, Leo soared over every head in the stadium and got a clear view of the victim. His breath caught as he stared at the man that nervously looked down at the pistol in his hand every few seconds. “It’s Jeff dad. It’s Jeff.” Leo’s dad cursed under his breath and muttered, “He’s going to be tough to replace,” Jeff was the Alliance’s second in command. He was in charge of the insiders, the one that told them what to do or when to retreat. He had dark hair, with a slight build, skin as dark as night, and sharp blue eyes. Leo saw right before the blindfold is put on, that those eyes that usually shone were now glazed over. The shooting started and the death was immediate. The pistol was shot out of his hand and by the time it hit the ground Jeff was gone. The blood quickly left his body turning the skin as white as the cloth over his eyes. Nobody screamed nobody fainted or cried; even the babies were solemn in their father’s arms. Everybody stood and watched, helpless. Even those who were loyal to the agency didn't make a sound. Once the shooting was over everybody leaves except the family. They are all interrogated later that night. The littlest of Jeff’s family, a girl who was two by the name of Lily, clutched her mother’s hand and was watching her now dead father. She didn't understand why he was taken from her. Leo caught her eye and gave a slight smile. She just stared at him with watery blue eyes and wondered if he just witnessed her father dying as well. He turned his head away and buried it into his father’s shirt, wondering what it must feel like watching your father die at the age of only two.  “Are they going to be ok?” Leo asked his voice muffled still in his father’s shirt. He already knew the answer when his father responded, “Nobody knows,” The family disappears right after the shooting, another taking their place the next day. Leo was helped over a piece of the house that was still smoking, as he and his father walked silently home. They passed a couple officers and had to put their hands up for screening. Something the Agency uses to keep track of the citizens claiming that it helps keep everyone safe. Leo and his father were used to this and let the computers take in every detail of their hands, only this time it took longer than the usual 5 seconds for Leo’s dad. He cleared his throat and asked, “There a problem officer?” “Actually there is, Mr. Smite, it seems that you are wanted in the Office.” The Office was the place they took the members before they got shot. Leo looked up at his dad expectantly, waiting for him to laugh and say they had the wrong guy, but he stayed silent. He knew that fighting back would only make it worse, not only for him but for the family as well. The officers each took one arm of Leo’s dad and escorted him away. Except for a look behind to see Leo one last time he made no other movements. A different officer came up to Leo and said “You’ll be coming with me,” Leo winced when the officer touched the bare skin on his arm as if his hand burned of acid. He tried to not make direct eye contact with the officer as he pulled Leo the opposite direction of his father. They headed for a stone building. It was perfectly square and built to hold only one family at a time. When the guards put him inside he sees a woman facing the corner. She had blonde stringy hair, olives skin, bright brown eyes, a slight frame, and a mouth that was almost always a straight line. “Mom!” Leo’s voice was barely over a whisper but she instantly looked up and her eyes were still full of tears. Her usual grimace gave way to a full smile. She spread her arms wide and Leo rushed into them. After a long embrace Leo asked, “What are they going to do with Dad?” Leo’s mom stroked his hair and said the same thing his father had, “Nobody knows.” They waited for hours on end until the guard came to take them to the shooting. Leo’s dad had failed the test. Leo takes his mom’s hand and then Dakota’s, who had shown up a little after Leo, before they headed out. It was late evening when they came out. The sun that once shone bright slipped away into darkness to be replaced by the full moon. Fires have been lit all around to light up the square, the flames danced and sparkled in the night not having the slightest care of what was happening below. Blood stained the ground from where Jeff was shot. There were rarely two shootings in one day so everyone, including the guards, looked on edge. The family sat down in the designated area, the guns placed on their heads, and Leo let out a long shaky breath. Everyone stared at them, pointing and whispering to one another. Once everyone was seated they brought out his dad. In those last hours he had been tortured. There were burn marks crawling down his arms, deep cuts climbing up his neck and onto his face, but his eyes still burned green with hatred at the guards carrying him in. There were sharp intakes of breaths and murmuring throughout the crowd. A few gunshots from the guards settled them. Leo looked at his father trying to figure out what went wrong. What he had done to deserve this punishment. Silent tears ran down his face as he meets his dad’s eyes before the blindfold was put on. The guns were lifted and his dad mouthed “I’m sorry,” in his families general direction, dropped the pistol, spread his arms wide and the shots rang out in the silent air. Blood splattered ugly intricate patterns onto the pristine white cloth that covered his eyes. Leo let out a strangled scream as his father took his last breath and fell. Leo stared at his dad’s motionless body and made himself a promise, No matter what it takes, I will get revenge. Today the tides have turned and instead of being against the mob Leo is a part of it. Dad is the reason why I’m here. Leo thinks to himself as he pulls the trigger.
End of Part Two

1 comment:

  1. Scan your writing for how frequently you use the "to be" verb. Seasoned writers will use it very rarely for it is weak and passive. Try to replace every "to be" verb in their conjugated forms with a more active verb that more clearly conveys what you really want a read to see.

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